Yesterday started with joy. I was celebrating an 11 year old boy’s birthday surrounded by my brothers and sisters at work. Laughter, cake, and the simple happiness of a child’s smile filled the moment. But only hours later, I found myself standing in the middle of heartbreak, responding to the tragic death of two babies.
This is the side few ever see. The raw side. The side that never makes it into conversations at the dinner table. The side that those outside of law enforcement rarely imagine. Believe it or not, we grieve too. We hurt too. But by the time we show up at your door, you will never see the tears from the last call or the ache left behind. We simply put it away, lock it down, and give you everything we have left because that is what we are called to do.
People often ask me, “How do you handle what you see?” The truth is, sometimes I don’t know. Today I had to wipe my eyes, pull myself together, and walk into the very next call like nothing had happened. The uniform does not make us immune. We are human. We carry the weight of what we see, even if you never notice.
I want to be clear. I am not saying my pain is greater than the families directly touched by tragedy. I know their loss is beyond what words can hold. But tonight, I felt led to share the other side. Because while the world is filled with noise and division, I pray you show mercy. Every one of us is carrying a battle you cannot see.
When we take the uniform off at the end of the shift, we go home and try to make sense of the images that stay with us. We climb into bed and hope sleep will come, knowing tomorrow may bring more of the same.
To my brothers and sisters wearing this badge, thank you for holding the line even when it feels impossible. Thank you for not giving up. You are not alone. I see you, I stand with you, and I will always be here to listen.