“We got the call on May 17. Could we take two children, ages 7 and 11, for a few days while a more “permanent” placement was arranged? Just feed and shelter them for this short transitional period? Well, we had space, but not beds… The boys’ room had two vacant bunk beds, but they were permanently attached, and what we needed were beds for one boy and one girl. We agreed to take the seven-year-old boy, but reluctantly said we didn’t have a bed for the girl.
At about 7:00 p.m. the CPS agent’s car pulled into our driveway, and I walked downstairs to greet this young man. As I approached the car, I saw a beautiful girl in the front seat. Tears were cascading down her sweet face. In a flash I remembered my childhood, and times when life wasn’t so perfect. My heart broke for that lovely young girl, and I struggled to keep my emotions in check.
The CPS worker explained to me that the little boy was scared and crying, and that I would need help getting him out of the car and into the house. Do I need to mention that I was scared too? He was so agitated that for a full forty minutes he was climbing over the car seats, pressing all the controls, and generally acting like a small madman. When we finally got him out of the car, he took off running down our street. This child was so terrified that he kicked, screamed, and swore at the man when he finally caught up to him.
The CPS man picked him up and we all went inside. The beautiful young girl, his sister, tried to calm the little boy, even as she was wiping away her own tears. The boy meanwhile was hitting and kicking the CPS agent, and throwing whatever he could at the man’s head. This was the kind of thing that had almost discouraged me from fostering. There are so many children out there who are hurting, and their hurt and frustration compel them to act out in so many ways… I took several deep breaths and asked myself what was I doing? What did I get myself into? Why? Am I safe in my own home? Is this my calling? And I answered my own question.
“Candace, this little boy needs you.” I could surely provide him a few days and nights of stability. I also have a three-year-old and an eight-month-old, but we could find room in our house and hearts for another child. But I still wished I had a bed for the girl too.
As we tried to settle the little boy so his sister could be transported to her short-term placement, which was over a two-hour drive from here, I began to wonder… Finally, I said to the CPS agent, “I have an idea! We can cut those bunk beds apart, and these sweet children will be able to stay together!”
Smiling, the CPS agent said, “Are you serious?”
I said yes. It was just for a few days, but I knew this was the home and the love they need right now. I felt that God was telling me these children should be with us – we should find a way to keep both siblings.
So the husband and CPS agent gathered all the tools and materials to separate those bunks. Yes, the CPS man stayed and helped my husband do this and get the children’s rooms set up. The little boy was as overjoyed as any seven-year-old has ever been that we did this for him and his sister to be together. My heart smiled when he looked at me and said thank you and hugged me.
We got through the first night… It was rough, but we got through that one and about four more, when on a Friday I got a call saying CPS would come for them. They found a longer term placemat but the children would be separated. I sighed over the phone and my voice trembled. “No,” I said. “I can’t… They can’t be split up.” I had seen this little boy so angry and hurt and so scared out of his mind. It was horrible to see. I took a deep breath and asked, “May I keep them?”
“Both of them?”
I said, “Yes! Please, both of them. I want to keep both of them until they go back home.”
“Are you sure? Oh my god! You are so amazing, Candace! I can’t thank you enough. The things you do for these children are absolutely amazing!”
I cried so hard, because I knew I was doing the right thing. We hung up the phone and the CPS worker called my agency to make sure it was ok with them. She called me back telling me that it was okay.
One week went by. Two weeks went by. We were finely getting a routine down for all four kids and ourselves. Man, oh man, it’s hard work! But I wouldn’t change a thing. I know I have said this about five hundred times but I mean it. The struggles make me stronger and the changes make me wise. I still have the kids and they are a part of our family. Every single day these kids have told me how thankful they are for my husband and me. They tell us they love us and they love being part of our home – that this has been the best foster home they ever were in. (I can tell you, we have heard stories that had my stomach in knots. I never knew such bad foster homes were out there. I’ve learned that just because you foster, it doesn’t mean you’re a good person! It really takes a dedicated person to do this right. We have been blessed and overwhelmed with joy doing this for the children that need us the most, but it’s not for the faint of heart.)
Not all children stay and we take them knowing this. It’s hard getting so attached and then saying goodbye, but I know we make a positive impact on their lives and for these short few months we are blessed to be part of their lives.
This story is a bit different, because we have been able to co-parent with the birth mother over the last few weeks, working together for the sake of these children. I will miss them once they leave us to go back to Mom but they deserve to be reunited. Mom has been working hard and deserves her babies back. She is a good person, trying and working hard. She tells me every day how blessed her kids are to have my husband and me. She says that she is so thankful for us and for what we are doing for her kids. She said that I have been their mommy, like a second mom to them. You seldom hear these things from a mother who is going though this kind of upheaval with her children. I’m so glad I reached out to her. Not everyone is a bad person. My heart has grown to love so much and these two children will be a part of my life forever, even when they go back home.
There are happy endings and sad endings and this, my friends, is a happy one.”
Credit: Candace via Humans of Foster Care