This was me at 21 years old. It was the day I graduated from the Detroit Police Academy at 4:00 PM, went home for a quick nap, woke up at 9:30 that night, and reported for my very first midnight shift at the 12th Precinct.
Look at that smile. I was so proud. I had my dad’s badge — the one he wore for 25 years — pinned to my chest, one of my mom’s sergeant stripes in my pocket, a lucky $2 bill tucked into my vest, a gun I was barely old enough to buy ammo for on my hip, and enough naïve courage for a small army. My mom snapped this photo as I walked out the door.
The next 17 years brought it all: shed blood, black eyes, torn ligaments, stab wounds, stitches, funerals, a head injury, permanent nerve damage, ruptured discs, PTSD, depression, and a whole lot of heartache. I missed Christmases. I missed birthdays. I lost pricey concert tickets to late calls. I lost more sleep than I can count.
I’ve lain in wet grass for hours tracking burglars. I’ve dodged gunfire running down dark alleys. I’ve pleaded with battered women to leave before it was too late. I’ve peeled a dead, burned baby off my uniform shirt. I’ve handcuffed a serial rapist and felt pride. I’ve kissed the bloodied face of a dead friend and classmate goodbye.
I know what a bullet sounds like whizzing past your ear. I know the sound of a mother’s scream when she learns her son has been killed. I know what it’s like to tell a wife of three that her husband isn’t coming home. These smells, sights, and sounds never leave you. We took them on so you didn’t have to.
I never once went to work thinking, “I’m gonna beat someone tonight,” or “I’m gonna kill someone tonight.” I went to work every night knowing I’d do my best to keep good people safe — even if it meant dying for them.
We need more understanding and compassion. Violence doesn’t cure violence. Hate doesn’t cure hate. I’ve been on both sides since leaving the PD. I get it. But this has to stop.
Are cops perfect? No. Are there bad cops? Yes. But the vast majority are good, loving, well-intentioned people with families, bills, and hearts — just like you. It breaks my heart to see so much hatred flying around because all it does is breed more of the same.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I’m not going to tell you to “unfriend me” if you disagree. In fact, I hope you come to me. I’ll listen. I’ll pray or meditate with you. I’ll empathize. And then I’ll encourage you to help me find solutions. Because if we’re not part of the solution, we’re part of the problem.
Love to all of you. All of you. We’re better than this. ❤️
Credit: Merri McGregor