I was at Walmart doing my usual Friday shopping when the cashier smiled at me and said, “I see you in here all the time. Your kids are always dressed so cute, they behave so well and you just seem to have it all together.”
In the moment I just laughed and said thank you, but as I drove home I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I wish she really knew.
I wish she knew that every day I battle a personality disorder, anxiety and depression that sometimes feel heavier than I can carry.
I wish she knew that there are days I can barely pull myself off the couch and my kids live on frozen pizza and cereal.
I wish she knew that my son is late for school more often than not because I lose track of days and times, even with a giant toddler calendar staring me down in the kitchen.
I wish she knew that I have those moments where I lock myself in the bathroom just to cry because I feel like I am losing it.
I wish she knew that for years I was not the most active mom because I worked 80 hours a week while going to school full time and Jayce spent so many nights with his grandparents.
I wish she knew that my hair had not been washed in three days and my kids had not had a bath in two.
I wish she knew I was rushing through the store that day because I forgot the diaper bag at home and Brenton was hungry.
I wish she knew that the “well behaved” child she noticed almost fell out of the cart in the parking lot and I barely caught him before he hit the ground.
But most of all I wish she knew that I do not have it all together and maybe I never will. Truth is, I don’t know a single mom who truly has it all together. What I do know is that everything we do, even the messy imperfect things, comes from a place of love. And that love is what makes us perfect in the eyes of our children.
So from one exhausted mama to another, you are doing amazing. Have the meltdown if you need to. Let the kids eat the cereal. And please, always remember to take care of yourself too.