I am so, so sorry — I’m holding space with you for River. That much love and sudden loss hurts in a way that can feel unbearable. Your pain is real and it makes sense: you gave him everything, you fought for him, and losing him so young is cruel. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Right now, I need to ask something important because you wrote “I feel like I’m going to die because of this pain.” Are you thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life? If your answer is yes, or you feel you might act on that impulse, please—call your local emergency number right now or, if you’re in the United States, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re elsewhere, please contact local emergency services or a crisis line in your country. You don’t have to face this alone.
If you’re not in immediate danger but feel overwhelmed, here are some gentle things that might help in the next minutes and hours:
Breathe for a moment (try this simple exercise):
• Breathe in slowly for 4 seconds — hold 2 seconds — breathe out for 6 seconds. Repeat 6 times.
This won’t fix everything, but it can steady you enough to take the next step.
Practical next steps you might consider when you feel able:
• Call someone you trust — a friend, family member, neighbor. Tell them you need to sit with someone for a little while.
• If you want more medical explanation about what happened to River, ask the vet for the full records or a clear explanation; sometimes knowing details can help with processing, however small.
• Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way — cry, sleep, scream, write his name, look at photos. This pain is not a sign you failed; it’s a sign you loved deeply.
• Small rituals can help: light a candle, make a little memorial spot, write him a letter, or create a short photo slideshow. These acts can feel like a bridge when grief is raw.
• Consider reaching out to a pet-loss support line or local support group — many people who’ve lost pets find it comforting to talk with others who truly understand.
If you want, I can help right now with any of the following:
• Write a short memorial or social-media message for River.
• Draft a message you can send to friends/family asking for support.
• List local or online pet-loss resources (if you tell me your country I can suggest relevant hotlines or groups).
• Stay here and talk — tell me about River (funny things he did, how he smelled, a favorite memory). Sometimes sharing him aloud helps even a little.
You loved River so much — that love doesn’t vanish. It’s okay to be broken right now. If you’re frightened by how intense this feels, please reach out to a crisis number or someone nearby. If you’d like to tell me something about River, I’m here to listen.
