Earlier this week we went to take Zeke’s senior yearbook pictures. On the way there I noticed his hands. Working hands. Hands that looked so much like my dad’s work-stained hands and like Brandon’s in the early years of our marriage. I told him not to worry since they were just doing headshots. I was wrong.
As we sat in line I watched other kids walk in wearing letterman jackets and showing off class rings. I looked at Zeke’s stained hands and my eyes filled with tears. That voice in my head started asking if I had given him everything a parent should. He has worked outside in the heat all summer long, 30 to 40 hours a week. He didn’t want a class ring or a letterman jacket. He never asked for a new car. The comparison game made me feel like maybe I had failed to show him my love in the same ways other parents did. I left feeling heavy and sad.
The past few days I have cried and replayed it all in my mind. I even apologized to Zeke. He laughed at me and said, “Why are you sorry? Because you taught me to work hard? Because I know what it means to earn something? Because I don’t think I should get everything I want?” His words stopped me in my tracks.
My sister reminded me that the best things in life are not things at all but relationships. And that the places where I fall short as a parent are always covered by God’s grace.
So to all the mamas who are struggling with the comparison game, please remember this. God gave you your babies because He wanted you to be their mama. Not anyone else.
I could not be more proud of Zeke. Today he took his brother shopping for a canoe, using his own money, driving a vehicle he fixed himself, filled with gas he paid for. I may not be ready for him to grow up, but my heart knows he is well on his way.